remember when she hit me with her car by accident, well apparently it wasn't an accident.
i told my doctor i had 3 partners and one unprotected.. shes a cute little indian lady i couldnt break her heart
i freaking love being in a circle of guys. if i fart none of them suspect me.
Listen: if you or anyone else at work finds a starfish in a bowl, just leave it. It'll be gone by next week.
Better yet, if you find it can you put it in the mini-fridge in your office for safe keeping? Spanks.
And if it's going to get me in trouble, maybe just don't mention that I know anything about it.
I am too high to leave where I am...And they are listening to Stained. This is my living hell.
You know that hot fire fighter I fucked yesterday? Well him and two other guys are killing the fire on my stove. Awkward.
She just took off her shirt and jumped in the kiddie pool. We're not leaving.
Really?!? Does he think blocking me on FACEBOOK means that he doesn't have a kid with me?!
Wrote my name backwards on the test and asked for extra credit points. Late start booze days are my new favorite thing.
I fucked R2D2 last night. I consider Star Wars day a success.
ya I had reallllllly good sex last night too that will probably get me evicted
Officially the best daughter ever. I just restocked my parents alcohol that I stole last night AND ADDED TO IT
I'm covered in glow paint and shame. I'm never leaving this country
You chipped your front tooth on the toilet bowl. Should I call your dentist?
did you know that sneaking into a golf course at midnight is a felony? the cop made sure to tell us after she peed on the course and hit on him
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