Getting fucked up met up rando with a girl I confesswed my love for last night. weird, going with it
based on who turned up here tonight the whole evening should just be called "mistakes i made when i was fat"
Spaghetti and Car Bombs, good idea or what will end up on the bar in a few minutes?
So I guess I passed out face first on the ground while trying to grill last night
It would be one hovered percent delicioui
woke up laying on an empty pizza box and some guy was doing blow off my butt...i guess i should thank you.
I gotta bail on the cookout tonight. Im at the er getting stitches. Re-enacting porno went horribly wrong.
I think my multiple attempts of taking his life, no matter how unintentional they were, has put a damper on our friendship
Would you get mad if I held a "how many dick pics can you get in one night" competition with my friend?
You made out with two different species that night
They better not charge my debit card for what you peed on.
I didn't know where we were going to start fucking, so I just strategically hid condoms all over the house before he came over.
See, I'm just thinking of how...angular my room is. You probably would have sustained brain damage
I did a line of coke with my ex tonight. Talk about memories
I just ran into my psychology professor at Planned Parenthood she asked why I was there and I asked why she was there and it turns out we both had a scare.#bonding because of abortion.
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