my Prof for my bio lab has his lab coat collar popped. it's 8 am and im too hungover for this guy
I just had to stop two people giving each other hand jobs in the pool. That was not something I was taught in lifeguard training
Oh we're fine. I made her a "sorry I peed on you" omelet.
Yes, I am about to pass out on my beanbag with a mason jar of wine. Welcome to the south freshmen.
MEET ME OUTSIDE YOUR HOUSE IN THREE MINUTES. BE DRUNK. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
I've found a new low. I was climb-on-the-bar-piano drunk.
Worse than that. I caught my roommate jerking off to a topless stripper in gta 5.
Ice cream and condoms, solid grocery store trip
I REMEMBER NUGGETS BEING THERE BUT WE WERE AT A TACO BELL
Yeah I blacked out in a wiener costume.... I think I'm ready to come home now.
Our breakfast options are microwave popcorn, wavy lays and fireball
I realized just how much my daughter is MINE when I heard her tell someone "Go shit yourself" yesterday.
Now that I'm sober I feel the need to tell you that I'm not really a fish whisperer....
they are cutting me off...little do they know I am making a 75 yr old man i named Herbert buy me drinks now...no shame at 11 am...
You drank whiskey for 9 hours and did not eat anything.Nothing good was going to come from that.
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