it sounds like her vocal chords are covered in pudding and rocks. come get me.
I almost took home a boy from the bar last night, till i realized he was not speaking drunk, he was from another country and didnt know english. that could have been an awkward morning.
dollar beers will do that to you.
We thought we had lost her until we found her in the bushes a block away singing "Jingle Bells".
eggs and jello shots do not qualify as 'brunch'
she's using motion activated glade air fresheners as some sort of early warning system
I woke up to him peeling the skin on my stomach from my sunburn. If he wasn't so good in bed I'd be a little freaked out.
I'm waiting at the bar and am surrounded by unattractive women.
You need to get here and rebalance this disturbance in the force.
I never thought I would have to get vodka suctioned out of my ear
I'm sure there's been a weekend in 2014 we were sober... Clearly it wasn't fun, bc I can't recall it. Point proven, alcohol is key.
How does fucking Canada get Justin Good Guy Take Me Now, Just Fuck Me In The House of Commons Trudeau, and our new President looks like he bathes in cheetoh dust and sin?
He has a penis. Therefore, he counts.
No, he wouldn't have sex with me....but on the brightside I managed to fit the entire falafel sandwhich in my purse!!
Totes just ripped ass and the bartender's eyes got wet
How many weight watcher activity points do you think sex is worth?
I don’t care that he’s a decade younger. He’s cute and I need a good penising
Randomize
