just heard a swedish guy suck in helium and speak in his accent. top 5 favorite moments. ever.
i have no concept of time, i feel my nose, and im seeing everything in bitty hexagons.
I'm drunk enough to talk Barbara Walters outta her panties
Seriously, let me lead the intervention, my parents did like three with me. I know how it works.
i went through the entire semester and only just now realized there's a girl in my history class that i've hooked up with.
His penis was definitely too big to be the type that wants commitment. Shit.
he's wearing our apron and eating a pb and oreo sandwich. and calling the oreos "topless" since he took their tops off...
They just kept handing me shots and saying welcome to college
We're knee deep in HJ's right now.
So much rum. So many feels.
He wants to take me instead of his girlfriend to the happiest place on earth... By that He meant Vegas. My morals are just loose enough to think this is a good idea
In Texas. Drank way too much wine. Puked in a gallon zip lock bag. Passed out at 445 with the ENTIRE family here. Got up at 745 in time for dinner. I made you proud!!!
Fun fact: My predictive text now prompts "walrus" as the most likely word to follow "intoxicated"...
is it fun? or sober?
i dont know how or why im in the gym right now, but theres a hot cop, a guy i hook up with, and his hot friend. this can only lead to every fantasy i ever had.
Randomize
