omg omg i just fucked paul. i need to stop doing this kind of thing.
wait, who's paul?
exactly.
i have a girlfriend
if you're drunk do you have a girlfriend?
no
no sex. but he left me weed, so almost as good.
just found my diary from when i was 14. i demand a drinking game of this.
regular news: took many shots of tequila.....bad news: woke up with a toothbrush and vagisil next to me.....good news: clean as a whistle
She's the perfect storm when it comes to psycho stalkers
I walked in on you eating olive oil off of a plate. you gave me this look and I just started crying. we were that drunk.
So if a 2 is a 10 on the road... do we consider college to be "on the road?" help. its urgent.
Would fucking the college coach be against recruiting rules?
one renamed every person in my phone 'I lpvw tewqils', so it would really help me out if you could text me your name. Happy sunday!
I seriously think I may just have to live here. In this bed. Naked.
but seriously, if you see a redhead running down the street tonight in a carrot costume, call 911. He's tripping hard.
I refuse to go to a doctor for a sex injury, not when I've come so far already
he's 22 and listens to dad music. if i hear one more modest mouse song i'll never blow him again
Gotta go, there’s a chick at my door that wants to give me head
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