how do i tell her that i need alcohol to fuck her but at the same time i cant get a hard on with alcohol.
she gave me a blowjob during our lunchbreak and expected me not to tell people
just letting you know, you took a hit of the blunt while sleeping. happy birthday
Just caught my dad doing coke in my bathroom again. Guess whose getting a new car for christmasss.
That chick who made out with a door is here. Want her number??
But you can't tell me I give the best blow jobs and then not break up with your girlfriend who has fucking TMJ! Come on!
I asked him if he wanted a pillow, and he replied "No. Batman never had pillows."
I was about to share my drunken story from the weekend, but two friends getting married and one finding out she's pregnant makes Saturday in jail look a little suspect.
He ate me out while Space Jam was on. My life is complete.
Some rando guy literally just put my shoes on and tied them for me because I'm drunk... Is this what it feels like to be a princess?
All I need is a morbidly obese man masturbating at the other end of the car and I'll complete the CTA Horror Trifecta.
I mentioned the porn thing he mentioned a brother it all kinda just came together
We have had more Sex in the past 48 hours then we have in the past 3 months. I think it was from me dressing up as Darth Vader.
He came over and fucked me while my conference call was on mute. Working from home is the best.
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like picking cocaine boogers out of your nose at your parents house.
Randomize
