so after the bed broke we walked out of the room to a standing ovation
I woke up with the new contact "Britney Both Nipples Pierced"... how do you think the night went?
We are hot boxing the gondola
I hate everything.
Excellent idea. Nothing says "congrats for resurrecting yourself, Jesus" like Greygoose at noon!
I already googled the effects of Molly with my antibiotics, I should be fine.
Why is there even a knowledge base for that?!
Time is so short and I miss you. (I just watched that commercial where the people all laugh and get older and die.)
TONIGHT IS GOING TO BE A FUCKING BLAST. EVEN IF I HAVE TO SET OFF A BUNCH OF FIREWORKS IN YOUR KITCHEN.
That dude with the beard walked up to me, turned my water into wine with everclear and kool-aid, and walked away. Pretty sure drunk Jesus is back.
Easter bunny might get some gnarly munches and not even have enought candy left to hand out
It's election day and I was just tied up with an American flag scarf
Stop confusing me with every girl you know that doesn't like sex.
All I need is $1,500, a beach ready body, a bigger dick & this will be the best spring break ever.
Your pictures have evolved a lot over the years but I think your angry dick pic phase was one of my favorites
You just kept yelling GET YOUR SKATES ON, BITCHES. WE'RE GOING STREAKING.
They were shocked that I could handle my liquor so well. I'm half Irish and half Russian. This is what I'm made for
Randomize
