I can't find my pants or my car
I didn't even hookup I think I took them off at taco bell...
ha omg I always lose my dignity at taco bell as well... so no big deal.
I've realized that you're the only friend i can rely on to drink with me any given day. i thank you for that.
OH GOD PAJAMAS ARE SUCH A HARD CONCEPT RIGHT NOW
We asked "Is that Andy puking in the bushes, its 7 AM" he looks up and goes "It's okay guys, its 7:30"
She kept looking at me and saying "you are the scary high".
She sucks dick like Beethoven on piano, but talking to her is like Simple Jack in Tropic Thunder. Still working out the pros vs cons list.
Whoever owns the butter that i always steal out of the office fridge definitely put THC butter in there this time. Shit just got real.
He said I could liberate his beef and all I could think about was how I don't eat veal for political reasons.
And I must've sleep walked to the fridge cause when I woke up, there I was, balls deep in a fudge pop.
I'm sure nobody at Walmart was wondering why I was wearing a glittery tutu and needed $300 changed into small bills
Why make bad decisions when I can watch you?
Had to take him to the ER for not only alcohol poisoning but for stepping on a firecracker. Happy 4th holy fuck
You told his date she had the tits to be a stripper and the personality to be the pole. Of course he's pissed off.
Here's a rundown of my night alone. Danced my ass off in the kitchen to FleetmacWood. Drank a little bit. Ordered $40 worth of Chinese food once the drinks kicked in. Picked up said Chinese in dirty sweatpants and slippers. #livinglife
That 2-CB was ass.
You mean the asprin cut with pez?
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