i think i just puked on my phone
we live great lives
Security brought me back to our hotel room in a wheelchair last night. Vegas.
And if you ever tell anyone that I will fucking kill you.
he's listed in a fb relationship with a girl born in 1993. i'm too drunk to do the math on that one, but i am sober enough to know that's illegal
dude all you wanted to do was sleep under a bridge
I'd be surprised if he had a problem with boundaries after helicoptering his penis in front of you
It was awkward at first he now knows I fucked his little brother, they were both there. then the tequila kicked in and everything was fine.
he just gave me a love letter in polish. he thinks i speak polish. I DONT SPEAK POLISH
I'm working on finding a bottomless situation. Both pants and mimosas.
I gave him shit for taking my sloppy seconds and when I woke up my eyebrow was gone
Today I'm playing this game called how physically long can I Lay in this one spot before moving, do you have an estimated time of departure?
Jesus Christ that hit just spoke to so many levels of my soul. It's caressing them softly
You had a fry stuck to your face... Every five mins you would wake up, take a bite, put it back then fall asleep again...
You've never really lived until you tell someone you have an STD over snap chat.
90% sure I just opened a snapchat of you in a fuzzy bathrobe next to your ceiling collapsing
I think someone shaved off all their pubes in the handicap stall or a werewolf stopped by the office to take a crAzy dump!
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