What was that guy's name that you dated that wore the leotard?
There were 3 chicks in my bed I didn't know when I got home. Now I know all of them. Biblically.
i was just lookin through my fb pics and i think im with a cat in like 40% of them..: how sad is my life
Someone carved 'Hank' in all caps in the snow outside my apartment building so naturally I turned the capital H into a K and added an S to the front.
I think college has really matured you.
her tits were misleading. turns out she wasn't cool, smart and funny
he sent me this 10 second long video of a gorilla eating a banana on my phone. no explanation. I didn't even have his number. just. a gorilla eating a banana.
Yeah things got weird. You ate an entire bag of hotdog buns, then tried to catch a tree on fire with a candle.
Suuuuuuper drunk and just sang fuck her gently to the chiminea. I'm in bad shape.
The best thing about my promotion is that I now have an office with a door. I can take my naps in peace instead of leaning my head against the stall in the bathroom.
I can't believe they pay you six figures. I hate you.
i had a threesome. one of the guys used to bully me in high school too for being gay.
there's nothing weirder than waking up to your mom eating breakfast on the couch that you fucked her coworker on last night.
Well I'm missing half a toenail if that's any indication of my night
I just don't understand why we can't have sex in the house. I'll come see you but I'll have to think about the barn thing.
Hey I just woke up in the back of a pickup truck parked at taco bell... Can u come get me?
He tried to throw up into a beer bottle. It was a complete disaster. Vomit went everywhere. It put the Bellagio's fountain to shame.
Randomize
