AIM automatically accepts video chats on my laptop. I found this out when I got a text from Jacob after my first attempt at drunk lesbian sex saying, "I'd give it a 7. You need to work on your positioning." I think I'm single now.
i find it depressing how it takes me longer to find a good video compared to the actual jacking off process.
just used a blowie as payment for him having to take the dog out to let her poop.
Don't ask how, but I'm pretty sure my name is now on a lease to a taco bell franchise in maryland...
When I get home we should play "let's see how many Christmas movies we can watch before we start having sex."
I'm hiding in a cabinet. I'm going to stay here.
I just remember going to take a piss and looking down on the floor and thinking "that looks comfortable" and then I was out.
There are people taking shots out of a turtle shell.
Okay. This morning the comforter was wet, you were underwearless and using a tiny blanket. What'd you do??
My dog misses eating marshmallows out of your butt when you're passed out. That bordered on sex abuse, now that I think about it. My bad.
I woke up cuddling a ham. That's not a euphemism. I actually slept with an entire ham.
You know its a good night when ur woken up by the bartender asking you how he ended up at your house
While he was fucking me, he just stopped and said, "Mike says Hi." Then proceeded to fuck me.
What did you do?
What do you say to that!? But, when I came, I screamed out my full name.
Live it up bro, they're always so surprised to find out you use magnums, being such a tiny man and all. It's a good thing.
Taking one of the loudest shits ever at work and I have to say...I'm having a better time than I thought I would
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