I'm constantly one strobe light away from an E flashback
do you know how hard it is to sit through a 3 hour movie with someone and not fuck them?
so all the bums hang out by my new store, they have a leader we call king bum... He got dethroned by police today for choking out a hooker. The bum heirarchy is in shambles right now.
I saw someone get arrested while I was moving out...this has to be a good sign.
we started the countdown to drunken sledding this weekend.
I'd rather take 10 virginities than catch something. Right now I should be good, I mean the sex with Jake was so bad he can't possibly have an std
I think we r still a few steps from ex sex. In fact, that's never going to happen. I'm just saying on the seething-chemical-fire-of-emotional-distress-to-post -relationship-intercourse scale, I'm closer to fucking than throttling. Progress is fun.
Apparently there's nothing on sonza for "giving a handjob while sunbathing"
This morning he fucked me while I was brushing my teeth. So I kept brushing as he thrusted. Then I brushed his teeth with my toothbrush while he was still in me. So hygienic.
i think im in europe. pls send help
I'm sober now, I ate a whole cantaloupe.
You whispered 'For Frodo', handed me your shirt, and charged campus security.
He let me share his family pack of hot pockets with him. Chivalry isn't dead after all.
I'm noticing I drink less and do fewer lines when I do both together.
Now that's what I call smart money management.
Trouble in the neighborhood - turns out my brother's summer lawn care gig also entailed banging three different MILFs and they just all found out about each other
Gotta pay for college somehow...
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