why doesnt he love me? i have tried everything. i even sang to him after sex.
you have got to be kidding?
Dude. Fucked her last night. Fucked her this morning. went downstairs for water. took 18 pack of Coors Light instead and took it back to my gf's. Got a blow job from her. Drinking the beer on my deck now. Best Day ever.
Man THE POSTAL SERVICE is awesome when I'm high..... But they suck when I'm sober.
She is sleeping in a dress because she's too drunk to put "real clothes" on
theres a kid face down in the middle of campus... people are going about their day and paying no attention to him
My only regret is not throwing up on the conveyor belt in the dining hall
Come on Nikki god gave you a vagina for a reason, so you could tell guys what kind of shots to buy you
Sober now. I'm really glad I didn't try to make out with that guy who has a pregnant fiance
I bought an american flag today and by god im gonna fuck someone on it
I didn't punch him it was just love coming out of my fist
Hey my vagina is like a company. Everyone has an equal opportunity....
Me hangover (as projected). That sounds like a plan. Ill do it for Mexico
apparently my buddy was fucking on our couch downstairs so i decided it was necessary to walk downstairs naked in a hockey mask.
honestly performing my own hysterectomy would hurt less than my cramps right now.
If waffles and beer don't scream "fuck me!" then I don't know what else to do.
Randomize
