a queef is a wish your heart makes.
if i were reduced to my simplest elements, i would be jizz and glitter.
its coolsest when we hear the beat in our water bottles. and the likghts are in his eyes now. oh holland
Found your pants. They were stuffed in the tank of the toilet.
It's called "lets see how many European capitals we can do the walk of shame through in one year"
I remember key bumps, porn and a mom in my bed. Sums up my day.
that is an amazing summary hahaha
His voice is like having sex with hot chocolate and then suddenly you're pregnant.
Turns out she left way earlier. So I'm stuck with this guy asking where he can score meth and if I'm really straight.
So I just stirred my shower drink with my razor.
I'm not going to ask which end you used.
...and that is the first time I've ever wished fewer naked women on someone I like.
Remember when you tried to talk but you could only count by 2s?
I wish so many great beards were not attached to even greater jerks. All that face sitting potential wasted. Some of the greatest tragedies of this century.
Its a good night when you get to makeout with a cowboy
Okay, maybe filling water balloons with vodka was not our best idea.
When I get off work and you're not around to hang out with all I do is lay around in my underwear and eat potatoes.
Randomize
