Dont worry, she is sitting right next to me. She is making it clear she wants to scissor
not only are you not the girl i fell in love with, but from the looks of it, you ate her
you're kinda like the weird girl from The Breakfast Club after the makeover. i mean you're pretty, but you're still weird as fuck
It feels like Jesus smacked me in the face with the new testament for drinking so much last night
just got passed by a van of kids watching the little mermaid. debating speeding so i can watch
Didn't u have court just yesterday for ur driving?
IT'S THE LITTLE MERMAID! totally worth another year of probation
What part of i'm handcuffed to an oven do you not understand?
if there weren't so many witnesses I 100% wouldve punted that squirrel
she gave me head while wearing a sombrero and told me it was her "welcome to south of the border" blowjob. i am never leaving mexico.
I don't remember much of last night. But I woke up with very apologetic texts from him this morning so apparently I didn't get laid. Which is stupid.
We should probably go now, otherwise the whores will descend.
Look, if I'm too lazy to put any effort into sexting, you better believe I'm too lazy to put any effort into dating.
okay. well, yeah. i'm a mess and a half. this shit is not what dumbledore died for.
i sent him a nude and he responded 6 hours later
what did he say?
"oh m god,,, whow '!!!!nm"
My friend Julia's mom just called her to say she got a puzzle in the mail made of cheese and when she put it together it spelled FUCK YOU and she doesn't know who it's from.
You are not allowed to sing ever again, my ears are still ringing.
Randomize
