I got wasted for the 1st time and I sat in a fridge for 2 hours and a trash can?
you'd be confused too if you woke up to pictures of a ghostbuster doing body shots off you.
my fraternity brothers just had an intervention for me. i either have a problem or am just on some next-level shit, im gonna go with door number 2
In the library. Still drunk. Shoes missnig. Term paper due in fiften minutes. Iff I puke u think theyll throw me out?
I don't appreciate the fact that you tagged me as a giant bucket Miracle Whip.
i can't understand anything he's saying. But he spells alcohol right everytime so i deciphered it.
Just got walked in on while fucking in the lounge in the performing arts building. The janitors gave us five minutes to leave and applauded our exit
I'm going to make out with someone. I'm on a mission. I don't even care if I'm wearing beer goggles. As long as he's not shorter than me, gay, or a woman.
That guy drinking savagely was actually at his buddy's gay bachelor party in the male stripper section. He came over to the chicks side so we drank with him.
He had some sort of penis-related post traumatic stress disorder, but body shots seemed to wake him up
Fuck romance. Just shaved my nipples in the shower because I felt like it. That's the life I'm about.
the bright side of moving is at least my Tinder options will refresh
And for the record I didn't even have sex last night. I threw up in his toilet and slept in his bed until noon
Cocaine bath bombs are a really bad idea
Hmm should I take my nipple rings out before my sisters wedding/family vacation in Puerto Rico where I will be with my mother 24hrs a day for four days wearing a bathing suit seemingly the entire time? Or should I just risk it and not hug anyone.
Risk it. Keep the titties tough.
He's a freak. Not like "freak in the bed" freak but like "eats glue in the weekends" freak.
Randomize
