I am going to give you the keys to my place
Then I'll give you the keys to my heart
Gag me
I would do horrible things to your vagina.
Prove it.
I've only been here for an hour and I've already made 6 babies cry.
Happy Birthday
Mental note: adding peach schnapps to a gin and tonic does not "water it down."
i don't care how ready and willing she is. she is where penises go to die
I just couldn't help myself when there was a FOUNTAIN OF SHOTS
The taxi driver was going on about how many drunk chicks want to sleep with him when he drives them home. Not sure if he was bragging or hinting
Convincing a cop that you have diplomatic immunity is way harder in Dallas than in Serbia. And you get fined for attempted bribery.
There's a bus with a band full of dancing women in bras. I think I like it here.
I just want to make out with him forever
Why is our fridge full of girl scout cookies and rum?
You told me to go grocery shopping.
Grandma's bordering on serious shit show territory at this point.
I woke up saran wrapped to a chair....
YOU ATE THE FUCKING GOLDFISH!?
i just wanted have a romantic star gaze moment with him. untill he let out a massive fart.
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