They past out watching a re-run of the 1984 presidential debate on cspan
when my professor asked "does anyone know what streches across south america" and a kid in the back row said "my exgirfriends vagina" i knew i was at home.
She posts like 3 statuses a day pleading for pity. Responding positively would be like giving a dog a treat for shitting on the floor.
you called your neighbor "slutsauce" then passed out on the stairway. not even sure why, but props to you.
I miss the time when Mondays weren't the new Thursdays. I can't drink like my 17 year old self anymore.
Just put your hair in a bun. We're going out to drink, not to impress people.
you got us kicked out of the restaurant for trying to pee in the trash can.
I want to get so drunk, you will need subtitles to understand me. Rough week.
The Winnie the Pooh costume was great until you got drunk and started yelling at the kids asking for pictures.
So that groomsmen was naked under his kilt. Also I just had sex in the elevator. And yes, those two updates are definitely related.
U can be a future sentaor's wife if you want. I'm happy with "closet lesbian", "tech prof".and "masters degree" all rolled into one. Drunken bar escapades pay off.
Look,the guy had sex w/a Canadian prison guard on the deck of a cruise ship,he could blow any second.
And I wasn't CONVICTED of a felony, I just committed one
Also barcrawl friday. You ARE wearing a tiara
My Boss was giving porn recommendations. I think I'm scarred for life.
Randomize
