I have nothing to say, just wanted ur phone to vibrate
last week i woke up at this guys house...this week i woke up at his ex girlfriends
we've been together for three years, and i still get excited when i know i'm going to give him a blow job. it's that kind of love
I just want to point out that nothing makes my hickie/hangover more obvious than sleeping in a scarf and sunglasses. nothing.
On another note, why did I wake up wrapped in bubble wrap. I can only assume it was for my own safety
Day 1 of "Death of a Liver" weekend complete. It came with flashbacks of horrible mistakes I made due to alcohol. I'm excited for how Sunday is going to turn out.
She wants me to spank her and yell "Kerry! Your father is disappointed with your choices!" Fuck up but crazy hot? Or just fuck up crazy?
Ugh. I'm going to die alone, sister. Half-eaten by one of my thirty-seven cats and clutching a martini shaker
It's 1:26 and I have already found 5 fruit flies between 3 separate glasses of wine. This is supposed to be a summer problem. Fucking global warming.
It's cuz all she eats is salt lick, human souls, and fast food
No. DON'T DO IT. Friends don't let friends fuck clowns.
Someone left a middle school yearbook here. I recognized one kid from banging his mom last year.
So I just got motorboated by my grandma…
Speaking of which.. there's underwear in my backseat and Arby's cheese sauce on my door handle. So much for my new Volvo bringing out my classy side.
Like, I just want a guy who will drop what he's doing to come touch my vagina whenever I want and to leave me the hell alone whenever I want. Is that SO MUCH TO ASK??
Randomize
