You should really figure out how to get me a picture that will pop up on my phone when you call
Just upload a picture of Bea Arthur. That's what my soul looks like these days
But i did once see a show where a women was homeless and installed a stove in a school bus so she and her baby could live there since all the seats were taken out. As far as being homeless goes it didn't look half bad...So this is me promising to you that if i ever am living in an abandoned school bus...i will at least pimp it out with a stove so you can come over for dinner sometimes
I swear to god he was trying to crawl under my door last night muttering "I'm Alex Mac! I'm Alex Mac!"
End of the semester and I banged 14 freshman. I'm like my own welcome to college orientation guide.
you made sure to tell everyone that the amount of people you had slept with was actually quite low, especially when the size of your breasts was taken into account
her boyfriend dumped her for my exgirlfriend. so filming our hookup is pretty much a definite.
Looking for things to spread butter on. Found men's briefs in garbage can. Lost insurance card. Summer has finally arrived
I hope your face alive. Lemme know if you are breathing in the morning. If not. Whoever is reading this tell me when the funeral for this awesome mother fucker is and we will rage at that event. Kthanksbye
I feel like I'm eight miles away and my brain is just now getting here. You got a lot of fucking catching up to do.
You gotta buy me dinner first. Or smoke me out. Both are equally chivalrous
Yet he continued to eat cereal out of the glove compartment in my car.
YOU HAVE TO STOP TELLING BARTENDERS WE DON'T HAVE MORAL STANDARDS
I legit just swiped right with a Tinder feminist just to get in an argument with her. Soo that's my Friday night so far...
I just want to see his penis in the light. Is that a crime?
i ordered what the bartender said was called a pink cock, and kept saying it tastes like a disney princess. thats how my 21st bday went
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