the night i cant remember will be the night i always remember thanks to my "i
i find it a beautiful talent that i know how much pubic hair the girl in the next stall has just from the sound of her urine
I was like, "um, that's my butthole."
I'm sitting at the bar eating dinner next to a nerd, a guy in a 10 gallon hat, and a policeman. I feel like I joined The Village People
um i just went through the in-n-out drive thru and meant to ask for my cheeseburger animal style. turns out what i actually said was, can i get that cheeseburger doggy style? been a rough weekend.
MTV running anti-sexting commercials is a slap in the face to everything our generation has accomplished.
Just smoked a bowl with the exterminator. I think my day is more productive.
idk but i have you stored in my phone as 'guy with beard doing body shots'
he keeps trying to sext me and all I can do is respond with descriptions of what im eating.
Hey my vagina is like a company. Everyone has an equal opportunity....
She said you told her you were ready to be a dad. We just got back from our purchase of the morning after pill. That took me 2 hours of convincing. No more fucking my sister.
1. Thanks. 2. No.
Next time, please cut me off before I'm at the point of pooping in the bathtub again
There was nowhere else for me to go. I'm like the island of misfit toys but I'm hot.
Oh god, I forgot we had sex to Elton John
Bahahaha I just turned on the fan in front of the elliptical to avoid puking//try to get some baywatch hair going and the guy next to me thanked me because he was "getting nauseas from the smell of stale sweat and tequila"
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