Any toy can be an adult toy. Location, location, location.
why are there beer bottles in my dishwasher?
He compliments me like a gay guy and fucks me like a starved nympho. I'm in love.
mary just dropped the yahtzee dice in her wine. and shes throwin em like shes on a craps table.
hahahaha slap the bag.
Just had a brita power hour to try to counter act all the wine i chugged last night.....fucking franzia
Remember when I said "no boyfriend, no problems"? I lied. Tequila. Tequila is a problem.
Change the recording on your voicemail. He found your number and my ass print on the car hood.
Tell me I'm the only person you know who could punch someone at the bar, get escorted out, smoke a cig with the cop who almost arrested me AND get the security guy who escorted me out to buy me drinks.
Dude. My knees have no hair on them and they're bruised. My thigh is killing me. I have about 1000 texts to about 5 exes which I horribly regret. I have pictures of my own penis on my phone. I can't find my iPad. And I have work in an hour.
I walk in and my mom has a Christian workout program playing. It's like, gospel music with an "electronic" beat to go with it. And then they try to save your soul at the end. I hate being home.
I'm smoking pot with a man in a pink suit, size 15 wide shoes who bought his bowl from a place called Chinese Bling Bling while I'm dressed as a unicorn drinking pumpkin beer
But seriously. What possible excuse could I come up with to ditch my parents on Christmas to go fuck him?
We were ushered out of Medieval Times by a squire for making out in the torture chamber. Children were present.
He washed his dick in my kitchen sink after sex. I think he might be a keeper.
I vaguely remember ordering a water at some point last night. It's good to know drunk me can still be responsible.
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