I don't wanna do a drive in or see a movie tonight. I wanna play some Golden Tee and butt fuck a girl in the bathroom of some bar and proceed with Golden Tee
Im making the walk of shame with half a box of pizza, its like when youre little and you get a goodie bag leaving the party
She made Precious look like a solid 6.5.
Reading in my econ of energy textbook about the US' largest oil spill from the 1990's.. guess i can't sell this one back either
MTV Made just made me cry. Where have all of my life goals gone?
My fuck buddy took time out of his date with his girlfriend to text me happy Valentines Day.
Clearly my hormones are sending beaming lights to every penis in the area
Tomorrow, you will get a text, and it will bE spelled right, that's me yo, certify ya soon
Like, he's a nice guy. But he's better at fingering than he is at speaking.
I walked in and all four of you were covering your heads under the blanket singing waterslides in unison.
And then god smiled down upon me and he said let there be hangover food and let it be Wendy's
Oh my god I found my bf's erotica
OH MY GOD HE WROTE THIS EROTICA.
OH MY GOD THIS IS GOOD EROTICA.
I learned that I order a bunch of dollar shots at the bar and once it's ready turned around and say "who wants pay?" And someone will pay
PokemonGo as navigation to get some at 5:13 AM. Life choices, yo.
So do I get points for screwing my recently single ex boyfriend and then telling him to go fight for his ex back?
Randomize
