The walk of shame is slightly more complicated when you wake up in the wrong country...
my mom just found my flavored lube in the basement. she gave me a lecture about how "giving head is degrading" omg i feel sooooo bad for my dad
Chinese roommate asked me this a.m when u left if all girls here have multiple boyfriends..
But please don't judge me if i smell like mustard
I mass texted 4 of you for a booty call. Please reply all when responding so only one of you shows up. Last one is a rotten egg.
Seriously I just dipped a banana in vodka I really need to stop drinking
I think the Predator is hunting me in my house. If I don't text you later, send Danny Glover. I love you all.
You know you're fucked up when you decide to pour fireball whiskey in your vegetable beef soup
YO CONGRATULATIONS ON YOUR MÉNAGE À TROIS. YOU GO, GLENN COCO
Yeah ok. We can maid of honor each other since you don't like my boobs enough to lesbian marry me
I cannot believe all 4 of us had sex at the same time, in the same bed... And it didn't turn into a foursome..
I don't know what the hell I'm going to do with myself when this is all over. I'll probably just go back to smoking pot and trying to learn italian.
The night got way more interesting after Jimmy started doing summersaults in front of the bar.
i'm not too sure if he's up to my expectations looks-wise, but in the penis department he exceeds ALL regulations.
You ran up to my room. I was naked. You refused to leave without drugs. I love you.
Randomize
