Don't get me started, it sucks when the one thing you have in common with a girl is not wanting penis inside you.
whoooo knowwsss what george of the jungle juice is but i feel like im in the promised land
We were all drunk for the whole flight. Steve doesn't even remember the cab ride to the airport. At 6am. Says he "blacked back in" at security.
He made me hold his dick and say "I solemnly swear that I'm up to no good"
I will not hesitate to go down on a dick for some cream soda.
The landlord called, GOOD NEWS! Noise violation #2! Something about people singing and fighting with vodka bottles in the parking lot. Well done us.
Wait does semen show up on blood tests?
holy fuck man...it feels like I got beat the fuck out of by death's baseball bat...chimichangas?
You just wrote a check for drugs...pretty sure you don't have cash for beer..
Oh god iv'e slept with this police officer before oh god oh god
I just closed two deals on my laptop from my bathroom while smoking a bowl, like a bawssss. Working from home is my favorite.
I was walking back to the dorm and was made fun of for wearing a coat. I'M SORRY I CARE ABOUT MY WELL BEING.
Its only once in a life time you get to pick your vcard swiper up from jail
How do you teach a grown ass men how to fuck? Why is good sex so hard to find these days?
I woke up to him watching me sleep and after I told him it was over he asked if we were still on for Vegas next weekend
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