hot mess party of 2 ur bar is now available
she needs to learn to take compliments like she takes dicks.
I think the phrase "baptist college" should be an oxymoron.
It was so good the neighbors even had a cigarette.
I don't think I have ever puked up that much free breakfast in my life...thank god for Nickle Beers.
I still cannot believe I yelled at every guy at the bar "you wanna get in this clam?!"
Our kitchen sink faucet is leaking, so I set a pitcher under it to catch water for Kool-Aid tomorrow rather than turn on the faucet. The environment owes me.
Let's go get our ovaries removed together. It'll be like bonding by getting mani/pedis, but with more vicodin and less unwanted pregnancies.
My head. My head is the problem. Also alcoholism.
Check out this gay circle: I've now hooked up with my ex-boyfriend, my ex's ex-boyfriend, my ex's ex-boyfriend's ex-boyfriend, and most recently my ex's ex-boyfriend's ex-boyfriend's ex-fling.
He spent $1100 at a strip club. If I had that kind of disposable income, I'd make a cocaine sandcastle.
It is officially Christmas time in Chicago. There's a drunk hobo on the CTA singing the first 2 lines of Frosty the Snowman over and over and over.
I knew us throwing ourselves at him back in the day would pay off. I'm gonna b a divorcees rebound. Score!
We have GOT to stop getting stoned and going out for expensive dinners.
Went to bed in my room fully clothed, woke up naked in the kitchen with the dog looking unamused.
Randomize
