Just got done shaving my balls. You were right.
Guess what? I had way too much to drink today. I'm properly wasted. Doing chores and playing video games while drunk. It's the nexus of stupidity and responsibility.
sorry about last night, I don't know what happened but I woke up this morning and looked strikingly similar to courtney love, it had to be bad.
I think the puke all over the side of my car actually improves its appearance.
my new ipod has external speakers and a video camera...all i can think about is how much more convenient it would be for me to make a pretty decent sex tape
Howd you meet this guy?
I found him next to my pants on sunday morn.
Thanks in advance for a great weekend. Sorry your roommates are going to hate you after I leave. They need to loosen up anyways.
Walking out of our apartment this morning to go to class, I saw a sticky note on the front door that said "get tested." The door was unlocked so did you bring some stranger back last night? I'm assuming you weren't referring to me...
It's hard to judge what a reasonable amount of cereal looks like in the spaghetti pot. We're out of cap'n crunch and milk.
thought a girl was checking me out today. took me like 5 minutes to realize it was a mannequin
Is your gma going to be okay with me passed out drunk on the ground
Dude... I had a dream that I was getting high for the first time. I got to experience my weedginity again. It was glorious.
Not sure when or why this happened but I just stopped giving a shit about everything
I drank a fishbowl of liquor and next thing I know I'm sliding into Zach Galifinakis' DMs
Can I just swipe right on his dad?
Randomize
