She rode me to the beat of Baby Got Back. I swear to god.
no dont talk to me..because of you my bar tab was more expensive than my hospital bill
I'm starting to have hip problems from having my legs spread too often.
Once he past out I measured his penis with my remote.
I am pretty sure they consider me one of the "bros". They compliment girl's racks to me and are the human forms of dick-be-gone. They won't sleep with me more than once cause it's "weird", or let any "untrustworthy boys" sleep with me and I still help them get laid. Not...fair...
Woke up on the stairs at my parents house. Good start to vacation.
Of course I will... FYI I just gave my balls a crew cut.
I remember it because it was right after the sadness and right before the sluttiness. The calm before the storm if you will
It'd be easier to list the surfaces my ass hasn't been on.
Now I have the walk of shame to give the receptionist the bathroom key back, I've had it for 20 minutes. I should just smile and wink. She knows what went down.
There is no way to say this. Dude, I peed your bed. No questions, no answers. My flight leaves in 30 minutes. Use my detergent. Also, THE VODKA IN THE FRIDGE IS YOURS.
I WANNA SUCK HIS DICK ON A BOAT
You call it sex. I call it penis conditioning.
I lysoled the money\n(631): wrong text lmao
Just so we're clear, drunk and naked is not appropriate attire for Thanksgiving. Do it this year and Grandma will ban you for life.
Randomize
