I'm in your bed right now
Okay meet you there give me 10
Don't think you can make me leave either
Give me ten I ha e to be ******'s wingman I want you
Fyi I let myself into your place, I'm wearing some of your clothes in your bed. Come take them off
I want to take you away to a place of dolphin rides and hot stone massages.
woke up this morning with a pool of champagne in my purse. apparently i was saving it for later.
Now that the olympics are over we have no excuse for getting belligerently drunk for nationalism every night.
Why does he only make me orgasm when I'm about to break up with him?
Her life is proof that being a drunken slut will get you places.
don't tell me about being eco-friendly. i just threw up in the same bag i bought my liquor in. RECYCLING
the only good thing about breaking up with him while naked was that i got to make a forgetting sarah marshall reference
I knew things were bad when I walked in on you feeding juice to your iPhone
It is. We should just be drunk all the time forever everything is like just 90% more perfect
Yup. Dog walker, house sitter and mistress to the rich, bored and bi-curious. I've got a nice little operation running.
Don't call police on the strange man passed out in his car in the driveway. I'll be home around noon to collect him.
Just by hearing the girl outside reciting the info on her fake ID, I know it's gonna be a good night
Woke up next to my vibrator and a recipe for fudge brownies. If that doesn't scream I NEED TO GET LAID, then I don't know what else could.
Randomize
