You can't date a girl from every country.
I'm the captain planet of women
Just took a celebratory "i havent slept with anyone in this bar" shot. yesssss....
Doctor said I have sports induced asthma.
Call me old fashioned, but around here we call that "out of shape."
Imagine that my comprehension level is that of a 7 year old and explain your plan again
There are now half chewed girl scout cookies plastered to my windshield. Do you know anything about this?
Fair warning: We've transformed the living room into a giant tent.
Have you seen Dave? He's not on top of the bar anymore but I found his shirt.
I wish I cared about making my vagina as presentable as you do.
Owwwww. Yeah. I can barely move unless Im high on vicodin. We are bad at drinking/balancing. We will be the first to break hips and have to go into a home.
We had to go. She called the bartender a thundercunt.
I could definitely fill a shot glass w my cum
please don't
How to not get laid: tell him he reminds you of your brother. While having sex. Thanks, vodka.
The good thing about country bars is that the men generally look like men. The bad thing is the country music.
Getting on a bus with a beer pong table. I am proof we can make this campus fun.
It's not christmas until we're acting sober in front of grandma
Randomize
