You gave me the wrong number last night so I texted someone else something I definitely shouldn't have.
He has been begging me for a Bj but doesnt want to get mono
How is he gunna get mono? is he gunna suck on his dick after you?
he said he wanted to butter my pancake. i thought it was sexual, but he went downstairs and made pancakes. i need to stop dating fat guys.
not only did i soak my thesis by spilling celebratory shots on it, but i also stained it with lipstick making it obvious i tried to drink the vodka off it......dgaf, worth it.
There was an awkward moment where I was going for his cock and he reach out and held my hand, thinking that what I was doing
Hurricane Sex Time is the only thing iv said since it started.
Sry I came all over your dress. Think of it as a Vegas souvenir.
Of dear god, I've been waiting to have rug burn like this since I got bored of my vibrator 2 months ago
Moral of the story: don't have drunken shower sex with the lights off...or you WILL break your foot. And the shower knobs.
Everyone is now just referring to it as "the night Hannah couldn't get laid" so needless to say you didn't miss much
You're a five foot adderall and caffeine fueled ball of sexual frustration and suppressed rage. It's only a matter of time before you snap. We're taking bets on when.
Who knew wearing a toga outside would provide for and infinite amount of dick to choose fron
I just smoked a bowl alone and took my Zyrtec here's to a full night.
He woke up & asked where his pants were then asked where he was then asked who I was. Been married 20 yrs. He was drunkest ever.
I’M DRUNK AND EXCITED.
Randomize
