just paid a stripper to have a minute conversation about the arizona game WTF
beer for lunch on the first day back to school.... too soon?
You had sex with him even after he literally described himself as a "coldplay guy"? There's a line you just don't cross. There is a line.
Heating the house with the oven may not be safe but at least it's always preheated
You are so predictable. I am willing to bet 20$ that instead of going out you are sitting on your couch, stoned, watching Seinfield re-runs and eating cheezits.
1. they're goldfish. 2 fuck you
So I have to send you an email about my weekend, heretofore referred to as The Perfect Weekend. Wherein I have lots of awesome sex with a guy with THE MOST AMAZING BODY.
I look forward to this email. I will respond with, Condoms and Creepers: The Adventures of Online Dating.
This girl invited us back on the promise of weed and strudel...she delivered neither.
Bonded with the ladies at the perfume outlet by saying "help me smell like i'm not hungover before my shift starts". This is not where I wanted my life to be
Just watched my first Christmas porn of the year. Def have the spirit now
He left weed in my bong for me this morning. What a guy.
Wedding party came into the bar an hour ago. Mother of the bride is a stage five clinger. send help.
I just took a condom out of my purse and opened it in front of my entire family because I thought it was a wetnap. Way too hungover for family brunch.
I guess you could say that.. I mean, we did walk in on our DD doing a keg stand thru her ass.
I'm getting reacquainted with drunk me. She has grown up a lot.
No, I told him I was busy again this weekend. Eventually he’ll learn. Plus, absence makes the cock grow harder
Randomize
