you opened the fridge, pissed on the food, fell over, then threw up on yourself. thats whats all over the kitchen.
How come ATM is perfectly acceptable, yet not washing your hands after you poo is socially reprehensible?
so my class lasted 15 minutes this morning because this kid puked all over himself..only at radford
the fact that he forgave me for making out with the bartender is proof that i can fuck my way out of anything.
Tell me right now I did the right thing by not fucking my sick gf at 3 am with her family home... Tell me my balls hurt for noble reasons.
I swear, he has the body awareness of an acid-tripping quadriplegic.
I wonder if her husband knows I have my own drawer at the apartment
Then you shook your fists at the sky and explained to us that losing a sneeze is like losing an orgasm
Hope you had your fill for the summer my friend, because all the cleavage has been put away for the winter. Fear not; it blooms again in May.
Robert just walked in drunk, grabbed my Jameson from me, told me to let him do his thing, and spilled it all over the coffee table. Then he told me to grab a funnel because he was going home.
Nothing like waking up naked and alone on your floor to remind you that you make life mistakes often.
I vaguely remember seeing that couple making out in front of that store and i yelled "I ALSO LOVE THE ROCKY MOUNTAIN SOAP COMPANY!"
I also woke up on my floor. Naked. On a pile of clothes. With my head in the trash can. And a sheet over me.
I mean, it was a fun hookup and he's cute and whatnot, but he wouldn't go down on me. Plus he's a republican. Idk why but those things feel like they go hand in hand.
You tried to prove you weren't drunk by loudly singing the romanian national anthem. Why the fuck do you even KNOW the romanian national anthem?
Randomize
