He has that thing where they hang SUPER low
Ewww!! Elephantitis
It's like God shit irony all over that family
i stuck my finger in my ass and it felt weird. but you know. it should be different when a guy does it right?
I'm partying with my neighbors right now, and by "with my neighbors" I mean they are partying in their backyard and I'm partying in mine, and by "partying" I mean I'm sitting here alone drinking tequila.
Just woke up with my keys in one hand and cheesecake in the other.
This is like a relationship, I expect to be mind blown at least once a week.
His daughter is our waitress. I left her a ten dollar 'I'm sorry I'm a whore and fucked your dad' tip...
on a brighter note, the cop thought i could kick adams ass if it came down to that and said he had $20 on me if it ever happens
When a bartender remarks "wow" on how quickly you've finished a drink... Is that good or bad?
As the bouncer was escorting you out, you yelled "keep your filthy dick beaters off me!"
There is this threesome scene that is literally 10 minutes of straight fucking
Omg so it's educational?
I saw a groundgog last night outside my back door. I now have a new wedding gift idea.
Are those your contacts stuck to the mirror?!
Yeah. Drunk me tried to put my contacts on the mirror where my eyes were.
I really wanna treat my body good. Because i plan on doing drugs
I kicked down a wall in rage and found a door behind the drywall. Once again vandalism solves all my problems.
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