I have left a significant number of teethmarks in my prhone. My mouth tastes like tequila and cheddar. Tomorrow already feels fun.
my mom hid the smirnoff from me. this is the most fucked up game of hide and seek EVER
i'm transferring to degrassi. i don't care that it's severely canadian. classes are five minutes long, there's no actual work and you can get oot of class whenever you want to go have a dramatic scene with someone in the hall
i regret nothing . he quoted dr. suess . he deserved that bj .
She told me she was selfish for not giving me a blowjob... I couldn't agree more.
Hey couldn't find water bottle to put margs in whole bottle in purse gonna stop and get cups and ice from starbucks and burrito from una mas want a quesadilla
Last night did I take a piece of pizza out of your hand and then proceed to eat it?
Twice...
I ate shit on a rock, and when I got up this car full of people asked me if I was okay, and I just sprinted away screaming "I am a banana!"
Woman at starbucks on her computer with a garbage bag of popcorn and a bottle of lotion. Where are you coming from?!
That sounds promising. I'm twerking to human nature.
Some girl woke me up at 1:30 am looking for weed and the next thing I know I'm in a hot tub with 3 girls, 2 40's, and a blunt.
I wasn't even hungover I was just mourning my dignity
He literally knows my vagina better then I do.
Just because your drunk doesn't mean you can stick your dick in the snow. Just a FYI
Today I made my parents proud-spent the afternoon floating around in their pool drinking beer-which I would ask my nephews to get for me out of the fridge
Randomize
