i just bought ciggarettes using my court citation as id. I've reached an all time low.
As of this morning, vodka still has the other side of my BFF necklace. She treats me right.
Her boobs were tiny. I could have used her bra as a blind fold. Which in hindsight would have made things a lot better.
She thinks I come over for the sex, but I really come for the snacks.
Look, the fact that I didn't kick him out and rip your clothes off speaks very highly of me.
Plus, I've always wanted to drive in rush hour with a huge cock drawn on my hood
Most people would probably take his lack of responses as a queue to stop. But nope, not me. I just keep going. And that's why I don't have a bf, just a little weinered friend
Me too, I feel like I pinched your nipples excessively. At the time it seemed like a good idea, but in retrospect I'm not so sure.
My signature move is making guys wonder why they bothered in the first place
Thank you for deleting me from Instagram. Also, I'm carrying your child. Happy new year!
So I've reached a new low. After completing my walk of shame and being told "see you around", I took off my heels to discover he had came in my shoe.
Leave it to me to pull up my boyfriend’s grandfather’s obituary just to find out the name of his sister.
I've seen you go skiing on a Tuesday, but you think you're too good for TGI Friday's?
so i fell out of a tree on the ave last night. someone told me there was alcohol at the top. bastards.
Whats a little breast milk between friends?
Randomize
