I was at circle k buying gas and this girl in a papa johns uniform comes up and is like " I've got a bunch of extra pizzas. Large peperoni for $5." then she went to her trunk and pulled one out. It felt like a drug deal for a fat person
i woke up and my collection of plastic neon wayfarers were half-melted in the microwave. my drunk self hates my hipster self
Give me a heads up the next time you BBM me a voicenote of you cumming so I'll make sure not to play it while in the car with my parents. Miss you too.
Dude also, my grandma got me condoms for easter and kind of winked. I don't know what to think
We stole your phone last night, texted your brother and told him you wanted it up the ass by him. All he said was "I want ur money."
I think she's going to be dangerous to drink with, but I'm ready for the adventure.
I think my sunburn makes my ass look bigger
Hahaha idk what's worse your life or my hangover.
Also at one point I told him to say my name and it took him like 5 seconds to remember.
When the dude you brought home from the bar on Thanksgiving leaves before you wake up ... #thankful
First of all she starred talking about God which immediately killed my buzz
You're not gonna like every guy whose dick I put in my mouth
ABOUT TO MAKE THE BIGGEST MISTAKE OF MY LIFE, SEND HELP
Have fun and good luck.
We were trying to organize all the customers to hold a window pickle race. as of 10:37 pm last night we are no longer allowed in our McDonalds.
In other news, I’ve officially fucked a grandpa.
Randomize
