It's more exciting when they aren't single....and even better when you have to pretend that you just slept with their roommate while trying to do the walk a shame as their girlfriend comes marching into the apt.
Im not the least bit jealous of the life you lead.
So do you want to come over? ;)
Never again opening up the Pandora's box of crazy that is your vagina. Sorry.
I had sex with billy mayes last night. HE KEPT IN CHARACTER THE WHOLE TIME.
Until he has ordered mozzarella sticks & beers at 2pm while wearing formal attire, then this is still my bar.
She's been drinking and was roller blading. I'm sure you can do the math
I am NOT getting arrested in a wig.
Having a dry hump session to Alvin and the chipmunks surprisingly didn't kill the mood. He's that good.
I know. My only sports are biking to buy drugs and running from the police.
You found me in the back room alone eating someone else's whole birthday cake with my hands then asked me if you could join.
Just replaced the batteries in my vibrator without turning on the lights. I need to get laid.
I got a thank you card in the mail from the virgin i slept with on the camping trip. Weird or the new classy?
I really feel like I should slow down on the getting hammered. I told a bartender on "Taco Tuesday" that a $3 margarita was too expensive. And proceeded to have a $70 tab.
I blew him while the canoe was sinking...I think of it as the better version of the titanic
I'm out of milk so I'm dunking my Oreos in Bailey's; this is my life now.
She's wear your skin crazy! Is it wrong that I'm gonna fuck her 1 more time though?
Randomize
