mark looks like s**t tonight! thank da lawd we broke up!
it's mark...i'm guessing you didn't mean to send that to me...
I'm totally gay for Miss Californiaaaaaa
oh sweet, sweet irony
It's like the water temple from zelda. but with more tits.
What the fuck. The girl next to me just looked at her phone, put her stuff away, and popped a birth control and ran out of class. Lucky fucking guy.
It was literally the size of a half eaten tic tac.
I may also break bread with strippers. Because it is passover.
had to bail. she had her cat tattooed on her
you blew your rape whistle in his face every time he got near a girl till he left the party...
I bought you a small gift as a preemptive apology for being a drunken slut tonight.
She's "threw gas on the fire to put it out" drunk. Come retrieve ur gf. Ps she smells like burnt hair
I've got beer and a bag of saltwater taffy and croutons, is that enough for this typhoon thing?
I may have had sex with him and told him we wasn't worth my time then went home and made mashed potatoes
Which one of you drunk assholes put a parental lock on my cable box last night? More importantly, what's the pin? I'm missing the UK game.
He wrote his entire dissertation last night. I can only imagine the frightening amount of headway he would make if he ever did things sober.
I remember reading the word "lift" so I did. The alarn went off, and I thought to myself "what dumbass pulls the fucking fire alarm?" and then I realized it was me...
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