I think he may have called me a bar rat, jokingly. I said i was but in a non-trashy way.
I'll start drinking again when I know where I am
She gave him HEAD floating down the river in a tube as big a a tire. I just don't know how to compete with that sort of level of slut.
some dude is stoned out of his mind in my calc class. just shouted that the teacher was a genius cause he got rid of so many numbers
You are forgiven. I sent you a picture of a pumpkin man as a gesture of reconciliation.
did you seriously make the punch out of vodka and food coloring
He passed out. Woke up long enough to declare himself "the sauce boss" and then bit me in the face.
Her facebook status said "just got a sign from god". I texted her and apparently she found a slice of pizza in the shower.
You almost married that.
There's 50 people in our house, none of them are wearing shirts. The keg has been relocated twice and our bathroom door is missing again...when will we ever learn?
Also did I tell you guys about the time that I balled for like an hour at a frat and made them play wagon wheel and then cleaned their bathroom
They left around 10:00 this morning. I've been naked since 10:01.
Would it be weird to bake him a cake that says "sorry I peed on your bed"?
i texted "amiibo vore" to my insurance agent instead of someone else. do you think they'll raise my rates out of disgust?
Just don't do anything stupid
i did a stupid sorry
u would mumble something and then get unnecessarily loud and say random shit like 'id fuck the shit out of taylor hanson right now'
Randomize
