I just made out with a guy for $7.
yo im tryna cop a beej tonight
you were carrying a trash bag around insisting it was your purse. I'll let you guess how your night went
he said that weed should be legal but that particular bong shouldn't be. i stared at a clock for an hour and a half after i ripped. so logically, i completely agree.
I'm not gonna lie. having my legs shaved for me in the morning was a lovely surprise.
I'm having a flashback of telling a guy that he was beautiful and graceful like a unicorn while playing shuffleboard.
Your friend who drunkenly cleaned the kitchen just wished the class a Happy National Tutu Day. While wearing a tutu. Make a move or I'm gonna marry her.
They took my balls.
After you threw up you would repeatedly say "napkin" like a siren until somebody got you a fucking napkin.
I think now I understand why people say my penis is pretty.
He may not be fully over his current wife yet. But wait until I show him my tits in his office at the end of the day tonight.
Just accidentally flashed my junk to the lady helping me try on suits, it was cold in there, I don't think she was impressed.
Xanax and full house Tuesday is now Percocet Sunday
I don't even think NICOLE made a fool of herself last night...
your aware she lit herself on fire, right?
I drank beer out of a Frisbee and it was all downhill from there...
Randomize
