insurance, jail, and birth control were made for people like us.
..i think i can hear you losing your virginity
I just learned you can mail a coconut. I'll be over in 3 days with the rum.
there are too many children here to make this hangover-friendly
after giving each other head, we had a really nice post-oral heart to heart. found out he lost his virginity in a threesome.
What makeup look will say to the therapist 'I am a smart, well-adjusted young woman'?
In preparation of Wine in the Woods next weekend, today we're hosting Straight Vodka in the Bathtub
I'm not drunk enough to eat silly string
The picture that pops up when I call her phone is a picture of my nipple. Just so you're forewarned.
I was THIS CLOSE. But drunk me wanted to play those washboard abs with a spoon, like an actual washboard. Apparently that hurts, so I just squished it out at home alone.
And after we debated politics. My dream come true: naked, just got done having great sex with a hot mixed guy, talking about why social welfare programs are a bad idea
Just got a motivational speech from the tacobell drive thru guy at 2am
Turns out he's not a Doctor Who fan, I mumbled Alons-y as I went down on him. He asked who Alan was. No more drunk sex for me!
oh, he’s out of jail btw. as of about 6pm. one of his customers bonded him out apparently lol
Like he really got a coke fiend to bond him out?
she compared me favorably to her vibrator
which one?
Randomize
