and he thought i came like four times in 2 mins. my leg just kept cramping up
I shaved my legs finally. I am starting to remember what my skin feels like.
Whenever I said your name you screamed polo and did another shot.
The only way I made it through work was reminding myself how many margaritas per hour I was making
There's a wake for a coworker on 420 during te time of 420... Hoping everyone will be too sad to notice how high I am.
found inexpensive tickets to Norway. Questioning if its legal. PLEASE tell me you remebered the walkie talkies and face paint.
Saw someone get laid in the bathroom no one was wearing shoes and I had a parrot on my shoulder...I never want to leave this bar
currently wearing a football players overly sized underwear. discovered a shot count on my leg. I'm a tank hahahhh
I'm eating Doritos that I crushed up n put in a cup so I only have to chill minimally.
I had him autograph the condom wrapper.
Dude, just found out there's a monster in a video game named after me. No more dating nerds.
I just found a half a joint in my bed. . .don't know if this qualifies as a proud moment or a cry for help
Anyway. I unfriended all of these people like a grown up and I am never talking to them again
MDMA IS GREAT AND YOU WERE THE WORST GIRLFRIEND EVER.
I should not be able to sum up my life with a taco brand motto...
Randomize
