She asked me to facebook all the girls I'd hooked up with. She started crying when I started my search with A.
This was worse than the time that I shot a bald eagle.
i love beer. I convinced myself that I'm going to ace the exam tomorrow. I can't even do that when I actually study.
I can only imagine the horrible things my future wife is doing on spring break right now.
fuck. I just remembered I agreed to let you finger me last night for solely for "scientific purposes"
Aw c'mon. You have to see if the spinning penis rumor is true.
i can now proudly say that ive peed off of a balcony overlooking the pacific ocean AND a balcony overlooking the atlantic ocean
If I have to masturbate more than twice a week you fail as a fuck buddy. Just so you know...................you failed
Signs of a stoner: trying everything in your fridge topped with peanut butter to seek satisfaction.
Yeah, nothing like barfing into a grocery bag you just put dog shit into.
Nothing more ironic than raw dogging some random Asian hottie last night and then doing the walk of shame home from her place mixed in with the participants of the AIDS walk
I want an apology pizza with SORRY IM A DOUCHE spelled out on it in pepperoni
are you fucking roseanne barr in there?
I'm kind of upset that he wanted to have sex instead of watch Harry Potter. I mean it's Harry fucking potter.
wheres my face? and why is my pocket so big?
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