Katie is reenacting me jizzing in her eye via emoticons...
He said finals are more important than getting stoned on 4/20. I'm proud in a disappointing kinda way
She's like the little sister I never had ... except for the fact we're having sex.
i'm not the one sitting naked in my room playing with my boobs and a cat.
Well when you're drinking tequila mixed with water out of a steve Austin cup I really don't think acquiring a straw is your main priority
He googled the address of the bar, then sent me a text saying "6.3 miles. Too far. :( Apparently I am only worth a 5 mile radius.
Im only pretending to be his friend so I can sleep with his girlfriend.
It's that "make a Pringle and Twinkie sandwich" kind of depression.
Somehow I've got the party rigged to where I get a foot massage every time someone wants a beer out of the fridge. Hellz yeah
How does a face ride mean we're back together?
I don't want to go back to the suburbs. Being drunk in public isn't ok and theres too many children. Don't make me.
Holy shit, did you actually CHOOSE to get hit by the alcohol truck last night?
Oh my god, are you sexting me while watching the Democratic debate.
100%
Now I'll never know if it was me that got you worked up, or Bernie Sanders' social policies.
I need water and some morals
I woke up upside down with my head in your ottoman and like a foot of space between the ottoman and chair.. My legs were straight up in the air... Yes. Your mother found me.
Randomize
