remember when she hit me with her car by accident, well apparently it wasn't an accident.
Went to the doctors. She saw my " I love beer" tattoo. All she said was " My drunken tat is of just one word. "Cornnuts.". Then said Mexico was "awesome." And sent me on my way. Yeah. She's my favorite doctor.
My mom said "I don't want to fund your drug problem" so she gave me a gift card to the book store. I now have a 420 page book on growing weed.
She somehow inhaled a tack last night, she's having surgery today.
At some point we were all eating banana flavored rolling papers.
I guess it was to be expected that I was put on somebody's list called penis socket.
Our sex has gotten so much better since we broke up.
Yes she scared me. She had NIPPLE CLAMPS ATTACHED TO A STUN GUN.
I'm sure you can think of a way to make money.. God didn't give you boobs that awesome to waste them feeding your children..
I've realized that I'm going to have to wake and bake every morning to make it through the summer without killing someone. This is ridiculous.
you threw me on the ground pryed my purse out of my hands screaming " I JUST WANNA HOLD IT A LITTLE BIT". later i found you putting on my lip gloss.
We are so drunk half our team had to bowl with a chaperone. We won every game. We drink
HE HAS CHALLENGED MY BADNESS. I MUST CONQUER ALL THAT QUESTIONS MY POWER. BRING FORTH THE TIT PICS.
While all of the skanky girls from the crowd got on stage we screamed fair game and scoped out all their boyfriends, she made out with 2, this is what we call taking advantage of the situation
It's not even noon yet and I just fucked my professor's son in the psych lab..it's gonna be a great day.
Randomize
