I'm sorry for the crack den comment. You have a lovely apartment.
His car is carseat is compatible. I checked while we were banging in the back seat...
I can't right now...you know Sunday night is whn I get drunk and do laundry.
I come back upstairs and she's leaning over sink full of vomit saying 'oh my god it's the chili'
Tonight, I'll be cleaning. And by cleaning, I mean drinking booze and spraying everything with Febreze.
I threw away my jacket instead of washing it, the jungle juice stained me more of shame than red food coloring... i have never been that white girl wasted before...
No apologies necessary. Just give me sex and Pop Tarts, and we'll call it even.
I want you to know that the guy who peed in your bed got fat.
Holy Hangover.. I'm marrying whoever put this water by my bed
what do we think the timeline is for when your liver will begin to revolt against your drinking habits?
Bring me that man meat
Got home & pissed on my moms carpet like a bear in the woods. I woke up to a picture message with me passed out on the floor with my pants down & hands covering my face. I've had an awkward week
i need to get drunk because i'm an angry sober
Just did the "lost my phone, need #'s" post and I got a text saying "go ahead and save me as Ashley-DD because I know you will anyway. I think I love her.
Someone sitting next to me at this football game is totally eating chicken nuggets out of his pocket and drinking four loko. I wanna be him.
Randomize
