if he's not good at sex i should be allowed to have sex with someone who is. that's a totally legit statement i think
is it true guys wash their penises in the sink if they think they're getting laid at a bar?
it's more of a rinse.
Having him eat chocolate out of you is not as romantic as it sounds. I'm still finding pieces.
the tile , carpet , walls , cabinets , even the ceiling ... there is Jello everywhere
it was your idea to have indoor Jello wrestling man
she worked me into her spring break cardio plan. im mondays and wednesdays.
Sometimes I stop and laugh and think "and these are my actual life choices".
Old lady caught me peeing in the street and yelled at me and said "I REBUKE YOU"
Pizza delivery...for when you need to eat your feelings for the sex you aren't having
Aparently i was the only guy at her parents bbq throwing up in the pool so Im the asshole right...
This hurricane better not stop me from sitting on the stoop thurs & enjoying all the slutty costume walkofshamers
Girl behind me in line at cvs was getting impatient then outta nowhere blew up shouting that if she didn't get her plan b soon she might be a mom abd that if we couldn't tell she'd be a terrible mom
You need a sexual gate keeper
If anyone needs me I'll be in the bathtub, eating fast food and shooting straight vodka while I seriously evaluate my life choices and cry.
not that im pissed, but why are there two naked chicks in my bed?
it looks like a nuclear can of fuck blew up in here
Randomize
