she said she missed her period, but is going to six flags... think im safe?
no dont talk to me..because of you my bar tab was more expensive than my hospital bill
slowly transforming into a stationary lump of steel. how can you tell me that was JUST weed
Let's go free Charlie Sheen and party with him
i just feel like it would be irresponsible for you to not have sex with me again.
My vagina agrees.
It's 4th of July all over again, we were chasing with the pool water.
I still can't believe you had sex with someone who willingly went by Peaches.
Last night must have been awesome because I went to get in the shower only to find the bat symbol drawn on my chest
That happened during battle shots lol
Yes. I will keep putting the beer into my stomach and eventually the bartender will make a mistake
my new game is to try to use the phrase "explosion in your mouth". as much as possible on tinder.
I told you, she may have multiple personality disorder, but like in the most upbeat way possible.
If you got me high enough to laugh at a ceiling fan until I shat my pants you should at least have the decency to buy me another pair
I woke up this morning with a half eaten bagel and an empty pack of imitation crab meat in my bed. This is going to be my response to pick up lines now.
I saw your dick pic and thought there goes the last thread of my heterosexuality.
all the one night stand stories i have end with me crying on my RA's floor stuffing cupcakes into my mouth
Randomize
