Chicken burrito, or no deal.
Is that code for my vagina?
Who the fuck has ever referred to a vagina as a chicken burrito
I just realized that this morning is the first morning i've put on underwear in a week.
I love summer.
Becky drew a cock on my face and is making me sit on the step.
what did you do that she drew a cock on your face and supplemental questions why did you let her?
3 complete strangers have joyously high-fived me on campus today. Tell me why, starting after jager bomb #4.
she told me i should dip my dick in chocolate and then let her blow me since it was her 2 favorite things. weird or my new valentine for this year?
I just got turned down by a drunk fat chick. At my own birthday party. God hates me.
I'm pretty sure it all started going downhill last night when they suggested I see how much sambuca I could fit in my mouth
I've reached the slutty point of no return. And it feels like multiple orgasms and coke lines
I swear she hasnt shaved since the last time we hooked up 5 months ago
You kept trying to use my cat as a napkin.
Guess who used an inflatable mattress to boat across a retention pond with brooms for oars and a radio and beer.
I picked up a guy that night wearing a onesie. I kicked Xmas' ass
i came so hard i kicked through my windshield
Saw your dad at the bar last night... And again this morning when he left. Told you not to mess with me bitch.
You told everybody that you were a dragon and then projectile vomited all over the kitchen.
Randomize
