Who is this?
Who do you want it to be?
Sarah Palin
I've got the updo, bangs, and glasses, but I'm blonde
I woke up wearing no shirt sleeping next to a half-eaten grilled cheese.
Well did you call the grilled cheese yet? Or r u waiting the usual 3 days?
I would like to meet someone who actually lost their virginity in a candle filled room
I'm watching the Australian Open. They need to slow the fuck down. It's hard enough to follow sober and now it's just pissing me off.
i have received so many congratulations texts this morning. sleeping with him really was a good decision.
I'm sorry about your car but on a brighter note I did wake up in my dorm. That's something right?
Fuck you.
You're really doing everyone a disservice by wearing pants all the time.
Trying to figure out which chair my head was under last night
I will also take that commission in the form of weed. Pass that on to the asst. manager.
If he can forgive your lousy blowjobs, you can ignore his terrible driving.
She keeps feeding me drugs. Its like I'm her baby bird or something
he shit on the floor last night i'm not venturing down there
Fuck me this girl I went home with has a cover on her remote control so there is no spills to ruin it. Imagine how many condoms she's going to make me wear
I preemptively put on a cape before eating a bunch of weed brownies. Best decision ever.
I have successfully trained your dog to bring me pudding cups!
Randomize
