How do u get a lost condom out? Like really lost... up there...
It was just so hard to get through Conan without crying like a baby. I'm just so proud of him.
i just realized how high i was when i was screaming red light challenge at the top of my lungs and am watching it alone
low key just jizzed in a chinese food container
at the topless march for equality..and wow.not all these boobs should be treated equally
Dude this breakup has officially hit rock bottom. sitting around watching women's NCAA basketball instead of going out
I want to break up with him.....but he has a george forman grill...like I need that
He came home all fucked up crying slammed his bedroom door and all we could hear for about three hours was THIS ISN'T GONA RUIN MYLIFe what happend
I told him I got this chick pregnant and he has to get a new wingman
I'm sitting at work trying to dust glitter off my pants. I can't hang out with her anymore.
oh I'm washing fake blood out of my bra.
I NEED to hang out with you more
I had tater tots and weed with a stripper at 4am who compared the size of my boob to her head because fuck you my life rocks
It's settled. One of us is going to bang her brother. The world demands justice and he's hot. We'll be the justice league if it were made of alcoholic whores
my god I love twenty year old dicks
We kept having to tell you that you couldn't just sit wherever you wanted at Walmart. Sitting in the middle of the raw meat section was unacceptable and children were staring at you.
Next time I say "i forgot to eat dinner, oh well" before drinking STRAP ME TO A CHAIR AND FORCE FEED ME BEFORE ALLOWING ME TO CONSUME BOOZE
Randomize
