Id pretty much put it in anything at this point. Jello. Dogs. 12 year old boys
we convinced you the moon was a planet...again
I'm out of vodka and money. My semester is officially over. The way I see it, my finals are just forms I need to fill out in order to leave campus.
I'll see your cousin, and raise you a sister.
i'm not accepting baked goods from anyone for awhile. especially after the stalker pie.
We found you on the floor drooling you kept saying over and over how you were double jointed.
I am just pathetic enough to be sitting on the couch with my cat drinking absinthe and vodka watching moulin rouge. Hello, tuesday night.
She just asked to come over. She's either going to bring one of her dads guns and kill me or we're going to end up having insane lesbian sex.
No, dude...I agree it's great in theory but I promise you that 80 drunk 21 year old sorority girls together in one room for formal is one of the worst drama filled ideas ever. Ever.
Best thing I ever did was get a dog. She's like a living trip alarm to warn me of visitors while I'm masturbating.
If TJ is short for Trader Joe, I'm gonna fuck him
And no one can masturbate with the sound of Bernie's voice in the background
Congratulations! We have a period
She looked like a cross between Jesus and John Lennon. So I fucked her. I feel majestic and powerful.
What are you doing tomorrow?
Dude its my bday. Im drinking from sunup til face down. Rinse and repeat.
Randomize
