his dad told me thanks for making his little boy a man at breakfast this morning
i realized that the internet ruins the joy of a father passing down playboys to his son
i love waking up at 5am with an imprint of a toilet seat on my chest
He thinks that since we have been dating six months, that he can do the helicopter with his penis. Not okay.
the party has pretty much ended, it's just 20ish of us jumping and grinding to music from some guy's phone in the corner.
You brought us all personal gifts you had stolen from the party and bellowed "hoes hoes hoes, clepto Santa loves you"
Kristy will be communicating through my phone. Due to her current blood alcohol level, the laws of Pennsylvania, Erie county, and common decency have deemed that she is no longer permitted to have her own phone.
It's official, I need to start putting my vagina's needs before my own.
it was good sex until i became a rubber doll and he became a jack hammer, so i guess overall it was good
WAIT DID YOU MAIL ME A KITTEN
I'll call it a tollerance break and either will be celebrating my new job with a bowl or will be smoking my sadness away from not getting the job. Either way.
I woke up just like any other Wednesday. Naked on the floor, hungover and covered head to toe in lube
Honestly after an incomprehensible political rant yoga seems like the best option at 2 am
You stocked up?
No actually didn’t get a chance. If you wouldn’t mind bringing me a brownie and a bottle of Jameson that’d be nice
I was a psycho gf all the time...I'm sorry
I was drunk 90% of the time...tit for tat
Randomize
