is it bad that I only want to go to my boyfriends house bc I want to see his roomate walk around with his shirt off?
The bong broke. we're having a little funeral followed by an inaugeration service for the new one
Omg!!!! Call me in the morning I just saw A stripper queef out a dollar
You were spooning my trash can and I had to crumble cookies on the floor by your face to get you to eat
do you wanna get some fucking pussy tonight.....THEN DRESS LIKE IT
The story about him having a girlfriend changed real fast when he found out that I was a gymnast
i made potato chips in weed oil. what did you do today?
You took a bar mat shot.
I want to do something romantic. Like gargle champagne before I put your dick in my mouth.
Im walking to an ob gyn practice session right now. Literally have to get face first in a middleaged vagina in 10 min.
Its completely acceptable to go naked under my graduation gown right?
Some ppl might frown upon it but theyre prudes
speaking of creep .. love how I kept touching strangers faces at the bar ... and saying "Don't worry I'm a dermatologist"
took off my bra and popcorn fell out of it. im gonna puke at this wedding...
She asked if she should pack the condoms, I told her I plan on drinking so much that it won't be possible.
I just paid $10 for tinder plus so that I could change my location to Rio and match with Olympic Athletes
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